Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
This is the full quote, but I chose to put just that part in the set because I think more people are able to reflect themselves in that part. Since not everybody does heroin, but still many of us choose not to choose life in many situations. We choose what makes us feel good at the moment, what might me a cigarette, another kind of drug, a drink, unprotected sex or even eating disorders.
I chose eating disorders a long time ago, and damn, how much i regret it now. I probably have an ulcer for all that throwing up and it has been hurting like hell lately. But that's not the worse part. The worse part is all that psychological shit, how i kept feeling fat even though I was starving myself and loosing a bunch of weight, it's that manipulated reflex in the mirror. It's that depressing feeling of never being good enough that almost made me kill myself. It's all that fake and lame happiness that Prozac gave me. It's wishing I was just normal. I could say I am a former bulimic-anorexic but that's not completely right.
I am not over it yet, I almost am, but not 100%. Sometimes I feel I will never be.
